I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I understand Curling. That high.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
