i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
