I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
wanna go halves on a baby?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
