so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
