I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
