hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Mom said you looked used
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
