true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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