u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
