help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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