i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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