No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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