he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
