wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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