i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
