i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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