if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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