No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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