Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
