so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
