Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
