he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
