i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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