I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
