we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
