My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
