Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
