Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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