some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize