watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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