Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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