Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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