I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize