Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Four minutes until I can fart!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
