Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She even gives head with a lisp.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
