smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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