There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
