I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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