so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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