Someone shit on the floor
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
NoShamevember. You game?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
