the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
