I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
