So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
