Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
