YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
