I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
