On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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