I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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