Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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