i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
