They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
