So drunk, too bad you don't want this
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
