Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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