his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
