this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
