Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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