We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
