Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
