he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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