is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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