So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
