So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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