did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
