I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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