I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
