dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
