I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
