Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
