Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
