May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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