Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
