i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i believe in u and ur pee
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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