I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
