just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
