Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
