then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
